Friday, May 20, 2011

Not with a Bang...

Here I sit, on the eve of our destruction, contemplating the End. Two areas have met the deadline and thousands have already been Raptured, perhaps millions. By the time it reaches our time zone I don't know if there will be any seats left. Heaven may fill up.

So I sit and await my demise as I watch the news and write to you, my heathen friends. To those that will be Raptured, I wish you a very happy eternity. Try not to think about the rest of us who are left behind to struggle and burn. Try not to mourn the loss of those that you loved that are soon to be nothing but dust. Were your family members also Raptured or were they lost? Oh well, you'll get over it.

I remember Raptures and Apocalypses of my past. I recall one particular one that happened when I was eleven. Everyone in school talked about it in the days leading up to the end. I didn't really know anything about it, so I just kept my mouth shut and listened. When the eve came, I prayed and feared the worst. I had difficulty sleeping, I suffered nightmares. I woke up the next morning and the world ended. It sucked. I went to school and nobody even mentioned a thing about it. We just went on with our lives as if nothing happened.

The next time I remember the world ending, I was about fourteen. There was no prediction, it just ended. I woke up and my room was different. For starters, it was detached from the house and on the ground floor. I looked out the window and there was nothing but rubble to be seen for miles. I picked up the phone and called my best friend, Anna, and she saw the same thing. I went back to sleep and though everything was normal when I woke up the next time, I felt empty inside. Anna pretended not to remember our conversation when the world had ended. Nobody else seemed to have noticed.

The world ended a few more times. It ended in 1997 for the Heaven's Gate followers. I also recall it ending a few times in 1999 with the Grand Cross, the Grand Alignment (which coincided with the freak tornado in Salt Lake City), then on New Year's Eve when we celebrated the new millennium. For awhile the world was stable, and we were able to breathe easily as we enjoyed over a decade without the world ending. I guess some got bored so they brought on the May 21st date. They just didn't want to wait for 2012. Thank goodness! I have a tough time going without a good apocalypse prediction. Now, not only do we get May 21st, but the Scoopees (Camping's followers) also are giving us October 21st! I wish they could move it to Halloween. That would be awesome!

The local news has been on for over 20 minutes and not one mention of the cataclysmic earthquake that has been rendering our world uninhabitable, not one word about the Scoopees leaving our realm, not one word about zombies. Boring!

Sweet dreams!

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