Thursday, June 11, 2009

A test of faith

I've recently learned, again, one of the many lessons that parenthood is meant to teach me. This lesson is one of faith. I've had many lessons about faith in my life, which leads me to believe that faith is one of those things you can never know enough about and never have enough of. Faith also ranks up there among the most important lessons in life, if not the most important.

In this life we are meant to learn many things. We have challenges that push us in different directions, that guide us and shape us, make us who we are and who we are meant to become. Over the last few years I've faced many challenges. I've written about several of them right here. Time and time again I've come out at the end of these challenges feeling as if I had just run a marathon, so to speak. The TSA/DOL challenge was one that shook my entire world and pushed me to the ground crying and screaming, but with the help of my wonderful husband and the support of our friends and family, I was able to meet that challenge knowing that I didn't have to do it alone. The battle is still being fought, but I/we have won all the battles thus far.

Even with all other challenges, I've learned the most from my boys. The boys have given me the greatest lesson in faith, more than anything else. From trying to conceive them while keeping the faith that Dave and I would someday have a family, to pushing forward through a very rocky IVF cycle, then keeping the faith through the challenges of a twin pregnancy, it has all been about faith. I am reminded of faith every night when I put them in their cribs and want to check on them every hour, watch them to make sure they take breath after breath, that time will pass and they will grow and thrive, it's all about faith. I keep the faith when I have to leave one to attend to the other; have faith that the one left behind is in a safe place and will be just fine until I can be back with him again.

Faith is in the big things and in the little things. It is with faith that we allow our beloved cat, Tempest, to go out freely to play and do what cats will do, even though we know what dangers might be out there for him. We have faith that he'll return each night for a can of food and a cuddle. It is with faith that we say goodbye from telephone calls with our loved ones, having faith that we will speak to them again and have another chance to tell them we love them, even though we know full-well that sometimes we don't get that chance. It's with faith that we put off calling some loved ones because we are too tired or have other things to do, having faith that we can always call them later, even though sometimes we never get to make that call. Even when sometimes our faith fails us in some matters, we still pick ourselves up and push forward because faith is immeasurable and immense.

Every day in every way, it all comes down to faith.

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