Remember that stupid job with the TSA? The one they waited for 5 years to offer me, then offered it to me when I was at the end of my pregnancy, then forced me to accept it and show up for work against doctor's orders? Remember that one?
Well, I'm supposed to start work now that my "maternity leave" is over. I have to show up for work now. They sent me a letter saying I had to do it or not only would I not receive any more workers compensation, but I would no longer be eligible for a schedule award.
A schedule award is the money paid when you are permanently injured and have reached maximum medical improvement. Well, I am permanently injured and reached maximum medical improvement years ago. I am entitled to that schedule award. I suffer the pain to prove it.
Still, I am forced to return to a job that pays very little. In fact, it pays so little that I will actually be paying about $200+ a month for the privilege of working there. I will be working with a lot of people that gave me so much grief when I got injured, and harassed me when I had to work light duty after the injury. Even when I was light duty, they never respected my restrictions and often forced me to work beyond my restrictions, thus making my injury worse. I wonder if my pain wouldn't be so bad today had things gone better with that job years ago in the early days of healing. Now I go back to that job, once again working "light duty."
I don't know what else to do. Not returning to work may cost us greatly, much more than the $200 it will cost me for gas and other expenses related to working there. But then, going to work there will cost me emotionally and spiritually, which in turn will affect my health.
Further, it means putting my two little ones in day care. I've researched it and reasonable child care for 2 infants in this area costs around $3,000 a month, just about what I'd be making pre-tax from the TSA. We'll have to cut into Dave's salary to pay for daycare and for my transportation to and from work, not to mention food expenses while I'm there unless I pack lunches. It also means that Dave will have to take the night shift with the babies since I'll have to be to work by 7am, which also cuts out 4 of their 5-6 breast feedings per day since they usually each get breastfed around 4am, 6am, 8am, and 10am.
The TSA won't likely be happy, either, since I'll have to take a 30 minute break every 2 hours to pump and they'll have to provide me a private room for doing so, a room that is not a bathroom, and refrigeration for my milk. This is California law. I need to pump every 2 hours to get adequate milk for my little guys.
This is just a disaster all around, but I have to do it and have to show willing. They are fully taking advantage of my personal situation in their favor.
I'm so filled with disgust, sadness, anger, and hatred right now, and that is making me sick.