Saturday, January 10, 2009

Nightmares

I've been plagued with nightmares this past week. They've been terrible. In one, I found my friend Anna murdered. Her body was strung up and a contraption was rigged so it had giant needles going through her chest, like she was being stitched up by a giant sewing machine. I didn't tell her about this dream, but maybe she'll read it here.

In another dream I was stranded in Oakland and there were vampire bats that were real vampires wanting to suck my blood. I was trying to avoid the vampires and I had to get home. I had some other big reason I needed to get home for, but cannot recall. In the dream, the home I had to get to was the home of my youth, and in the dream I was a teen late for curfew and afraid of getting into trouble, and also afraid of worrying my parents. There were some men that were more than willing to give me a ride home, but you know the types, that ride would have come with a cost. I didn't have a good feeling about these guys since it really felt like they were too eager to get me alone into their cars. I didn't know what to do, brave the vampires or take a chance with sleazy men, and if I took a chance with a sleazy guy, then which one might be the least sleazy?

Last night's dream was the worst. It was the worst nightmare I've ever had. It made me sick. It started out innocent enough. I dreamed Dave and I were in Bountiful and walking down the old-fashioned main street marveling at how it had changed. In the dream there were now kiosks and booths, like the marketplace of many of the world's largest cities. There was a street vendor selling diapers for a great bargain and Dave and I were looking at them wondering if the bargain was worth it, checking the diapers out to see if they were good diapers or bad diapers. I heard a noise outside the dream and realized I was sleeping. I "woke up" and was back in the nursery in the bed I'm sleeping in these days (yes, I still sleep with the babies since they are not BOTH sleeping through the night - makes it easier for breastfeeding). I was in bed and had dozed off while nursing William. William was asleep so I was going to put him back in his crib and get Ronan out of his crib and nurse him. Just then, my whole body started to tingle and I couldn't move. The tingling sensation was like the way the spinal block felt just before and after my c-section. I tried to get up but couldn't. I tried to talk but couldn't. I looked at Ronan and saw a dark shadow hover over his crib, then Ronan was levitated, first by his feet, then his whole body was lifted and moved back and forth in his crib. I tried to scream, I thought I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I screamed and screamed but nothing happened. Ronan was still being moved by this dark entity and I realized I was making no noise. I mustered up every ounce of strength I had and forced out a yell. Once sound escaped my mouth I was released from the paralysis, the tingling sensation dissipated, and I opened my eyes. I didn't realize until that moment that my eyes were really closed and that it was all in my mind. I shouted for Dave and he came running. He found me sobbing and terrified. It was 4am. Neither of us could really sleep the rest of the night.

1 comment:

Anna said...

I finally had time to read through all your blogs since I am such a bum and haven't been keeping up. It seems as though I wouldn't have to be asking all the stupid questions I ask you on FB if I would just read your blog. So I promise to do better so you don't have to write about it twice. Ummmm, as for the dream, I feel bad sweetie! It's ok I guess I kinda need to be sewn up, I think I am falling apart at times. Awwww, I am honored that you still keep me in your thoughts. Sorry about the awful dreams though. I know how hard it is after you have had such an awful dream and your whole day it is always in the back of your mind. I hope they get better.