I thought I'd re-post what I wrote in my MySpace blog last year after his death.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Current mood: sad
Category: heartbroken and devastated
Little kitty Bugs died last Friday night. He hadn't been well for a few weeks. We tried everything. His body just started breaking down to a point where he couldn't walk. We gave him pills, he got injections, we did everything we could. We had decided, per the vet's advice, to see how the last injection would help and to give it about a week to see if he got any better. He lasted 3 days after that injection.
He laid in my arms that day, just rubbing his face on my chin. He asked me to take him to his box so he could pee (he had his own way of communicating and I understood him well). I guess that trip was too much for him because after that he had difficulty breathing. He was panting like a dog. It got worse and worse. It was heartbreaking to watch and I tried to put him in various positions to take pressure off his chest and to help him relax. Nothing helped. He seemed to panic, reaching out and hugging my arm. He groaned and gasped a little.
I turned on some soft music like he would always enjoy. "It's a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong came on and I sung to him. He looked at me with big eyes, acknowledging the song. It was one of his favorites. Then he started to convulse. All of his muscles were going wild. He groaned some more. He peed a little (there wasn't much left). I cried and prayed for him to be taken. I couldn't stand to witness this; it was too heartbreaking. I tried to sing him his favorite song, "Green Sleeves" with his special words as he died. It didn't sound very good through my sobs, but it was his song.
Then he was still. His eyes were open and so was his mouth. I closed them. He was all curled up in a ball, just the way he loved to sleep.
It has been nearly one week and I miss him so much. The other morning Dave swore he heard a Buggy meow. That night while in the bath, I heard a distinct short meow followed by a very long gutteral meow, just like Bugs would do when he would say hello and then stretch in preparation for a cuddle. He's still here, but gone.
He was all happiness and cuteness. He was the embodiment of everything that is good in the world. Now he's gone. I know his spirit exists, and he is free from the ills of the flesh, but I am not. Sadly, the two forms cannot mix easily. We cannot hug easily. We cannot cuddle. He cannot kiss my eyebrows in the morning, or snuggle me at night. There are no more feeding times, no more combing sessions, no more fluids, no more vet trips. Those things took time, and I enjoyed every bit of caring for him.
Every night I thanked the Lord for another night with our cute little Buggy. We were truly blessed, for he lived a long 19 years. Somehow I thought he would live forever.
He will always be with me.