Monday, February 4, 2008

In Memoriam

I've been thinking about Bugs a lot lately. Bugs was my kitty for 17 years. I had him for pretty much all of my adult life. He passed away in my arms last year on Groundhog Day. He was a very special kitty and Dave and I miss him dearly.

I thought I'd re-post what I wrote in my MySpace blog last year after his death.
_________________________________________________________

Bugs
1988-2007

Thursday, February 08, 2007
Kitty Bugs
Current mood: sad
Category: heartbroken and devastated

Little kitty Bugs died last Friday night. He hadn't been well for a few weeks. We tried everything. His body just started breaking down to a point where he couldn't walk. We gave him pills, he got injections, we did everything we could. We had decided, per the vet's advice, to see how the last injection would help and to give it about a week to see if he got any better. He lasted 3 days after that injection.

He laid in my arms that day, just rubbing his face on my chin. He asked me to take him to his box so he could pee (he had his own way of communicating and I understood him well). I guess that trip was too much for him because after that he had difficulty breathing. He was panting like a dog. It got worse and worse. It was heartbreaking to watch and I tried to put him in various positions to take pressure off his chest and to help him relax. Nothing helped. He seemed to panic, reaching out and hugging my arm. He groaned and gasped a little.

I turned on some soft music like he would always enjoy. "It's a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong came on and I sung to him. He looked at me with big eyes, acknowledging the song. It was one of his favorites. Then he started to convulse. All of his muscles were going wild. He groaned some more. He peed a little (there wasn't much left). I cried and prayed for him to be taken. I couldn't stand to witness this; it was too heartbreaking. I tried to sing him his favorite song, "Green Sleeves" with his special words as he died. It didn't sound very good through my sobs, but it was his song.

Then he was still. His eyes were open and so was his mouth. I closed them. He was all curled up in a ball, just the way he loved to sleep.

It has been nearly one week and I miss him so much. The other morning Dave swore he heard a Buggy meow. That night while in the bath, I heard a distinct short meow followed by a very long gutteral meow, just like Bugs would do when he would say hello and then stretch in preparation for a cuddle. He's still here, but gone.

He was all happiness and cuteness. He was the embodiment of everything that is good in the world. Now he's gone. I know his spirit exists, and he is free from the ills of the flesh, but I am not. Sadly, the two forms cannot mix easily. We cannot hug easily. We cannot cuddle. He cannot kiss my eyebrows in the morning, or snuggle me at night. There are no more feeding times, no more combing sessions, no more fluids, no more vet trips. Those things took time, and I enjoyed every bit of caring for him.

Every night I thanked the Lord for another night with our cute little Buggy. We were truly blessed, for he lived a long 19 years. Somehow I thought he would live forever.
He will always be with me.

4 comments:

Barb said...

Hugs. :(

Norah said...

I'm crying from that one. : (

Baby Step said...

Oh Lizzy - this was so sad. You were a good momma to Bugs and you are so strong for holding him during his last breath. I lost my doggie Cleo on January 5th, 2007 and I am still mourning her too. It is so hard to say goodbye. They are definitely still with us.

P.S. I finally added you to my blogroll.

WaterBishop said...

:(
He was obviously very loved.
*hugs*